Thursday, June 1, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - What is Fatherhood?

What is fatherhood? Before we can truly set our sights upon fatherhood, we must first identify who the fathers are. On December 7th, 2016, I clearly laid out "Five Categories of Fathers". Since Father's Day is on the 18th of this month, I felt it would be appropriate to dive a little deeper into a few of these categories. Today, we will be examining "The Absent" Father.

For review, an absent father is either non-existent or his interactions are extremely limited within the lives of his children. I, and like many of you, have personally experienced the voids that were left by my father. Honestly, some of them are still crying out for validation. These cavities are and have been devastating to the psychological, emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical well-being of the abandoned. This blog, which is a short excerpt from my book, will be dedicated to this cause. I can only hope that you may gleam insight from my life's experiences.

"Before I started kindergarten, I don’t remember much about the direct impact my father had upon me; however, I do remember vague glimpses of him from birth until about age three or four. Then again, all I knew about him was his name. I became familiar with the fact that I hardly ever saw him, which would imply that he must have lived somewhere else. Indirectly, these same facts, which I knew to be true, produced so many other questions within my mind and heart."
 
"I can remember several broken promises that still echo within my ears. I believed them without question simply because I loved and trusted him, being that he was my father. As these vows soon became the joke of the day, the contemplation of them produced anger, hatred, bitterness, distrust, and disrespect. Now I know what you are probably thinking, these are some very strong feelings and you may be right. However, imagine a teenage boy with this type of disposition. Having feelings like these deep within me without an outlet to defuse them. Since I was conditioned to believe that sharing my emotions might produce ridicule, I was powerless and incapable of conveying what I was truly feeling to others. This created a walking time bomb effect; all I needed was the right match to light the fuse. Regarding women, I was reckless like a bull in a China Shop. At times, these very feelings were uncontrollable, which caused me to act out in school and to hurt others that dared to get close to me. To add insult to injury, I had a hard time trusting others who claimed they loved me. This alone made me a user; simply using others to get what I wanted at their expense. All of these were the byproducts of not having my dad present but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

"Now do you see some of the perils that an absent father can cause? Are you still without understanding? I needed my father to provide the structure, stability, direction, encouragement, and disciplines that were all lacking within my life. These missing elements would’ve brought proper balance, aided in the correction of these types of behaviors, and opened the door for him to love me through my life’s challenges. Nevertheless, when a father is absent, who is there to answer this bell and to make the crooked paths straight?"

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Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Why Do Married Men Cheat Part 5

"When are you going to clean out that garage because I've been asking you about it for months?" "You never call me when you're at work?" "Why haven't you texted me today?" "Why didn't you like my comment or pic on Facebook?" "You never take me out anymore." "You don't spend enough time with me." "Is there someone else because you've changed?" If you've ever heard this series of persistent questions or complaints from your wife, or another series like it, then constant nagging has to be another reason why married men cheat.

Typically, men are logical thinkers who desire peace within their home. No man wants to work all day in the hostile environments of temptation, backstabbing, unrealistic demands and deadlines, or the natural elements like extreme cold or heat then come home to what he believes to be more turmoil. From the moment he clocks out at work until he goes to bed, all he wants to do is detox from his long day of mental and physical assaults. Truth be told, all he wants now is food, maybe a drink, visual entertainment like the TV, and sex from his wife. This is how he plans to unwind from his stressful day.

On his way home or the very moment he enters his home, he's interrogated by his wife. Since she hasn't talked to him for much of her day, now she's ready to converse. Immediately, she hits him with an overwhelming grocery list of items that she wants to ask or get answered. To her it's mental bonding and simulation but to him, it's way to much. In his mind, he prefers for her to shut up but if he's planning on "getting some" later on that night, then he better at least make the conversation pleasant. At first, he's willing to entertain one or two of her questions with short direct answers but when her conversation quickly turns into criticisms and complaints, WATCH OUT! Man, did you see those boxing gloves just fly off? What started off as a friendly exhibition between them just turned into a slug fest. As their exchanges continue to intensify, all he can think about is a temporary escape back to the peaceful, stress free paradise that he envisioned. If this trend continues to persists over time, eventually, he'll get to the point of desiring a permanent escape.      

Until next time... 

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Show Me all the Superheroes

Although many people can identify and name fictional Superheroes like Superman, Batman, and Spider-man, many of us don't know of any non-fictional heroes. Can you currently name at least one real hero? I didn't think so. For the record, there are many non-fictional superheros that you interact with everyday. If you pay close attention and listen very carefully, you will always hear them or one of their loyal subjects boasting of their greatness. Their self-exaltation is so animated, convincing, and charismatic, that if you aren't careful, you will be worshiping them too. Oh, you don't think that you can worship any being other than The Almighty Creator of the Universe? If not, think again. Many of us can't wait to see their latest Facebook post, Instagram pic, or social media feed. We will willingly go out of our way or inconvenience ourselves just to prove our devotion. What makes all of our superheros so attractive are these KEY ingredients: Generally, they have tangible possessions and intangible attributes that we secretly crave for ourselves. Our inner lust for those ingredients then drives us to desire more. Since we know that we can't be them, the best next thing is for us to get as close as we can to their grandeur. If we do, then maybe, just maybe, some of who they are or what they have may rub off on us.

Until next time... 

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - What does molested mean?

What does 'molested' mean? According to Merriam Webster, it has two meanings. First, it means to annoy, disturb, or persecute especially with hostile intent or injurious effect. Secondly, it means to make annoying sexual advances to; especially: to force physical and usually sexual contact on. Now that we have established our parameters, let's take our first glimpse into the Shhh series. Men Have Feelings Too willingly removes the taboo blinders that many of us pridefully wear, and reveals a door into the molestation trap.

The conversation below accurately describes this predator's slick-talking playbook. Their ultimate goal is power. To gain it, they'll use the deceptive masks of trust, compassion, the victim's guilt, innocence, and vulnerability, and physical/emotional/psychological (PEP) reinforcement to outwit their unsuspecting victims for their selfish benefit. Typically, the victim is the one who permanently bears these PEP scars. Before we begin this dialogue, let me reveal a few likely suspects: family members, authority or religious figures, or someone the victim naturally likes, loves, or respects.

"You know that I love you, don't you?" "Just touch it." "Don't be afraid." "I'm not going to hurt you." "Trust me, OK?" "From the first time I saw you, I knew you were special." "You know that you're special right?" "OK, OK, I'll stop but before I do, can I ask you something?" "Do you love me?" "You do?" "Well, I love you too." "I promise I won't hurt you." "How does that feel?" "See, I told you that I wouldn't hurt you." "Relax!..Relax!" "If you would just relax, it won't hurt as much." "See, I told you everything will be OK." "I love you...OK?" "See, you're starting to like it." "How does it feel now?" "Don't it feel good?" "I love this and I love you." "This will be our little secret." "If you will just keep this between us, I will protect you and give you whatever you want." "Shhh, don't tell nobody."

Until next time... 

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Monkey See, Monkey Do

Way too often, men take for granted their role as a father. Just so you know, being a father is a PRIVILEGE not a RIGHT; therefore, fatherhood comes at a very high price, a price that most of us are not willing to pay in full. As long as things are good, then we're good but when things aren't so good, many of us choose to run from our responsibility.

Some fathers are the first ones to proclaim that a woman doesn't know the proper way or is incapable of raising a son. The question I want to know is "Do you know the proper way?" Fatherhood doesn't come with a manual nor tutorial, which means that everything we've learned regarding our ever-evolving profession have came by either trial and error or by observation and implementation. Our children aren't any different. In other words, "monkey see, monkey do." Although our words have power, nothing speaks louder and more impactful to them than our daily lifestyles. I encourage you to constantly take inventory of your words, actions, habits, and addictions.

 Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Why Do Married Men Cheat? Part 4

Why do married men cheat? Men Have Feelings Too is ready to reveal the next reason. This one doesn't need a formal introduction. One main reason why men cheat is because their wife is either not putting out or not giving it up regularly. Once a week, once a month, or once every few months is not enough to feed her starving lion. Think about it, no one feeds their natural body according to this unrealistic schedule. Whenever his wife forces him to go more than three days without her meeting this need, he will become withdrawn, antsy, irritated, or angry towards her.

Let me break this down for you. Men are visual creatures who think about sex multiple times every hour. Then compound this relentless drive with provocatively dressed, flirtatious women who will become sources of temptation for him within the market and workplace. Not to mention, all the other media sources that glorify and encourage lustful desires and illicit sex. By the time he gets home, he's so visually overstimulated that he's about ready to explode. His wife then adds fuel to an already hot fire by wearing sexy panties or nothing at all to bed. By this point, his expectation for sex is almost impossible for him to manage, especially if he's still attracted to his wife. If he must endure this torture chamber night after night without relief, eventually something he may regret is going to happen.

Many wives just don't understand or they underestimate his daily struggles with this. As a result, they'll willingly choose to pencil him in whenever they're in the mood or whenever they get around to it. To most of them, consistently making love to their husband is considered a chore or excessive but to him, it's as natural as eating or breathing. Since most married men find it difficult to articulate this potentially dangerous situation to their wife without it turning into an unnecessary argument; don't worry fellows, I'll be your advocate. Wives, please realize that what I'm conveying to you is real. This is the silent cry of every married man. If you still refuse to see how vulnerable your husband really is after this blog is posted then don't become upset with him if another woman decides to feed your starving husband. Frankly, countless marriages have failed or currently failing all because most husbands are afraid to discuss this very sensitive subject with their wife.

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com


Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Marriage Changes Things

Earlier this week, I engaged a 27 year old male in what I believed to be an interesting conversation. Our discussion centered around being a man, taking responsibility, and exhibiting impactful leadership before one's family. Just to set the stage, this young guy has two children by two different women. His oldest child is by his ex-girlfriend. His youngest child is by his current in-house girlfriend. Currently, they share a bed, parenting responsibilities, domestic duties, and the like. The only thing they don't share is a bank account. He also claimed to love her but he added, "I just want to be happy." As our conversation progressed I asked, "Since you're already doing the job, why don't you marry her?" He replied, "marriage changes things." Being the guy that I am I asked, "marriage changes what?" After talking in circles for the next few minutes, he finally answered, "I'm not ready for all of that yet."

Currently, there are numerous individuals who are afraid of getting married because they believe the dynamics of their 'marriage-like' relationship will change. As silly as this may sound, this mindset and lifestyle is so common that it's scary. Everybody outside of wedlock craves the benefits of marriage without actually being married. They desire the comforts of monogamy without legal commitment. Many have wasted valuable years, have become physically and emotionally vested, and have played the fool all because another individual didn't love them enough to wholly commit to them. Although these same outcomes can manifest because of divorce, at least there are consequences that were designed to protect both parties. What else did you expect to happen when WE have minimized, distorted, and devalued the true purpose and safeguards created by marriage?

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com


Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Inwardly Divorced Outwardly Married

Inwardly divorced, outwardly married seems like it should be a contradiction but is it really? Is this concept crazily far-fetched or is it a sobering reality? How can anyone be divorced and married at the same time? Whether anyone cares to acknowledge this heartbreaking trend or not doesn't remove its overpowering existence from so many homes around this world. Everyday, there are numerous men and women who wake up hoping, wishing, and praying they weren't married to their current spouse.
Some of this is so bad that one of them will secretly desire ill-will to befall their spouse so that their conscience won't condemn them for being the first one to leave their failed marriage. Although we know some of this is conditional due to the ups and downs of this life, others constantly live in this state of perpetual discontent. In fact, many of them stay together on paper because of religious obligations, tax breaks. their public appearance, or for the sake of the children. Not only are their bedrooms ice cold, most of them don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. Can you say intimacy? There isn't any intimacy, love making, or meaningful conversations. Instead, they're either constantly arguing and fighting or silence has totally consumed their home. If they speak at all, it's an occasional surface conversation regarding the children, bills, or domestic duties. Who wants to willingly live their lives married to someone whom they don't like or love anymore? Although it's unfortunate, many live exactly like this everyday. If this wasn't true then we wouldn't be discussing it.

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com


Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Shhh

Shhh..."Can you keep a secret?" "Can we keep this between us?" "I won't tell if you won't?" Believe it or not, the average person currently lives their everyday life concealing at least one secret. The secret possessor has been thoroughly convinced by another to forever keep their mouth shut concerning what they've seen, know, or been told. Therefore, this valued information comes with a tremendously expensive price tag. In extreme cases, that price includes death. What are we really taking about here?

Personal information that will cause major problems or tough questions to be raised if those things that were supposed to remain private ever went public. When they do, individuals, families, organizations, enterprises, and other "entities" will have a lot of explaining to do. Sometimes, the original cover story exposes more loopholes of incriminating evidence instead of becoming a buffering means of damage control. What to disclose versus what to conceal becomes the revolving question of the day. So that I don't leave you in anymore suspense, "Shhh" will be an exclusive blog series that will crop up here from time to time. Just to whet your whistle in advance, the information you'll receive will be well worth the wait.  

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com


Feel free to leave comments or feedback.