Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Do Most Men Cheat?

One of the most intriguing questions that many women ask is, "Do most men cheat?" The unpopular follow up to this question is how do you define cheating? In other words, what actions classify a man as a cheater? To further complicate things, allow me to let you in on a very critical piece of information. Believe it or not, men and women define the word cheating or the actions that identify a cheater differently. To bring clarity to my point, listen up!

Typically, women view the act of cheating by motive. What was her man intending to do? What was the initial thing that happened and all of the continual processes that kept things going until her man reached his final goal? To rationalize this, the victim places herself into the shoes of the other woman. What did her man tell the other woman for her to feel comfortable with him? What did he do to or for her that made her open her heart to him? Did he buy her anything, especially sentimental tokens of affection? Did he take her anywhere publicly to prove to her that he's probably not seeing anyone else? Did he make quality time for her on the phone or in person to prove he's interested and to build intimacy? Observations, questions, actions, and other information like this is then gathered, sorted, and compared to every word and action her man ever said or done to win her heart. Which means, every thought, word spoken, and action he demonstrated towards the other woman were ultimately leading them to a physical connection. Let me say it a different way, a woman views every individual step towards the ultimate goal of physical intimacy as cheating, even if the ultimate goal is never reached. The end game means that some other individual is receiving attention and affections to which the victim is being deprived.

Typically, men view cheating as physical acts. A physical connection like 'sex' means his woman has crossed the cheating line. All actions and other contributing factors that lead to his woman giving herself to the other individual aren't really considered cheating until that physical line is crossed. After it's crossed, all supporting evidence become relevant. In others words, unless his woman has sex, whether oral or physical, with another individual, then to him, cheating has not occurred. Mature men ultimately know that if his woman is giving herself to another then she's already mentally gone. Her mind and heart now belong to another.

Having explained the two views, when a woman asks, "Do most men cheat?" then I must stay that it's all a matter of perspective? Who's standard are you using yours or his?    

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - "Do I Look Fat in this Dress?"

The Shhhh Series - Part 2 - "Do I Look Fat in this Dress?"

"Honey, do I look fat in this dress?"

"Here we go again." "I'm sick and tired of biting my tongue every time you ask me this stupid question." "Why do you continue to ask me something that you already know?" "Yes, you look fat in my once favorite dress!" "In fact, I can't stand the way you look in it." "Just the thought of you wearing it makes me sick to my stomach." "My mouth is rapidly filling with vomit right now; Yuk...this taste is disguising...swallow it, swallow it." "It should be against the law for me to be forced to look at you in this condition." "I desperately want to tell you the truth without hurting your feelings, so to protect them, I'm compelled to lie to you about what I really see and think." "Apparently, you're too slow to comprehend the obvious hints I keep giving you?" "I've bought a treadmill, gym memberships, healthier food choices, and encouraged you to work out but all of these methods have been rejected." "What more do you want me to do?" "Let's be realistic, I'm not sexually attracted to you anymore." "I haven't willingly touched you in months." "Truthfully, I don't want to touch you at all but since we're married, we both have needs, and I don't want you to accuse me of cheating, I guess I'll just swallow my pride and take one for the team every now and then." "I've discovered that watching porn before coming to bed really helps." "Why can't you look like Ms. Thang at the gym or that sexy admin assistant on the second floor at the job?" "Those goddesses are fine as wine." "Every time I smell their perfume or see them, I'm immediately aroused." "Then, I come home, see you, and my arousal is quickly extinguished." "Who am I kidding?" "You'll never be as fine as those ladies because you value food more than your appearance."

"Honey, did you hear me?" "As you can see, I'm wearing your favorite dress." "The one you told me you love to see me in." "Tell me the truth, do I look fat in this dress?"

"Huh?" "Baby, I sincerely apologize for not responding sooner." "I had a few things on my mind." "Yes, you look amazing in my favorite dress!"

Shhhhh......

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - The Lack of Communication in a Relationship Causes Problems

Most people will mention it but a greater number of them truly underestimate the reality that the lack of communication in a relationship causes major problems. Quite frankly, most relationships fail because the people involved in them aren't adequately communicating. I'm not speaking about standard items like "What's for dinner?", "Does this shirt match these pants?", or "Did you pay the power bill?" but I'm referring to the intimate issues of the heart that are extremely important to each specific individual. More often than not, these sore spots, insecurities, and hot buttons are usually suppressed because they're typically accompanied by feelings of fear, guilt, remorse, and embarrassment. If they're ever mentioned at all, the person expressing them generally walks away feeling misunderstood, disregarded, or like they wasted their time expressing what was near and dear to their heart. Over time, these small foxes will undermine the relationship because one or both parties feel trapped in a situation where they don't feel truly loved, valued, or respected.

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Why Do Married Men Cheat? Part 6

Part 6 of the series "Why Do Married Men Cheat" resumes today. Since last month contained Father's Day, all Men Have Feelings Too blogs were dedicated to fatherhood. Now that we're back to regularly scheduled broadcasting, we won't delay any longer; especially for the dedicated fans who love this particular series. Before we reveal today's blog reason regarding men and cheating, let's recap.

1. January - A lack of appreciation
2. February - Unresolved lust
3. March - The lack of trust
4. April - Lack of sex or inconsistent sex life
5. May - Constant nagging/Complaining

The official part 6 launch party starts right now. Have you ever been in a relationship and you sensed things changing for the worst? I mean...you started to notice things that either you took for granted or love blinded your eyes from seeing them. Things like, you don't talk anymore or at least, not like you use to. Every time you attempt to have meaningful dialogue with the other individual, you're shut down by a series of short answers. Or you notice, you don't hang out as much. It seems like they would rather spend time with everyone besides you. Then you build up enough courage to confront the other individual and they insult your intelligence all the more by blowing you off. Their typical replies are, "What are you talking about?" "That's all in your mind." "I'm good. Nothing is bothering me." All of these are defense mechanisms to keep them from truly discussing what's really on their mind.

If this scenario represents your current state of affairs then allow me to let you in on a little secret. Unresolved conflict is another reason why married men cheat. Since men typically internalize their frustrations prior to communicating them, the potency of their expressions are often watered down to keep from hurting their wife's feelings, sounding harsh, or being discredited because what he really wanted to express might not be grammatically correct. These spoon fed conversations, instead of what he truly wanted to say regarding how he actually feels, causes him further sorrows because it greatly diminishes the impact of his words to kinder, more palatable expressions. His 'acceptable' utterances combined with the underlining dispute(s) will gradually undermine every fiber of the relationship causing both of you to eventually grow apart. This typically happens when one individual is too selfish to compromise for the sake of the entire relationship and the other party feels trapped in a losing situation. The trapped party bends, and bends, and bends trying to make things work until finally, they get sick and tired of constantly feeling unappreciated. At that point, they want nothing more than to obtain the appreciation they've been earnestly seeking but not receiving; even if, it's from another source. If both people aren't willing to compromise by esteeming the other person's needs above their own, then it's only a matter of time before time runs out on that relationship.

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - A Letter to Stepdad

Men Have Feelings Too presents, "A Letter to Stepdad." Of all the fathers, a stepfather is my favorite. You assume the role of father to children that aren't biologically yours. Certainly, on a good day, being a biological father isn't easy yet for some reason or another, you willingly accept and occupy this role regardless of the endless challenges. That's why I admire, respect, and salute you in ways that are too great for words. Having said that, I don't envy you or your position in any way. Why you ask? I'll give you a few reasons.

For starters, many men won't think twice about walking into a ready-made family. As you well know, situations like these can be extremely volatile, problematic, and too much dang work for minimal return. That's why most men choose to steer away from relationships that contain these types of nuisances. Within a short-term arrangement, most men won't have an issue with a friend with benefits setup because many are conditioned to just tolerate her children as long as they're sleeping with or using the mother. Yet all the while she'll be led to believe everything is progressing towards something permanent. However, when it comes to marriage or a serious long-term relationship, the vast majority will find every excuse in the book to quickly abandon this transitory train. Again, I applaud you for responsibly manning up, sticking with it, and not allowing this train to derail you.

Lastly, who wants to constantly feel like a disrespected outsider? If her children haven't experienced another man living with them, other than possibly their own father, then just your presence there could be awkward and tremendously overwhelming. Prior to your arrival, your wife and her children developed a secret code of survival protocols that you'll never understand. Which means she is their sole advocate and she will do everything within her power to safeguard herself and her children from experiencing abandonment or rejection related to another failed relationship. Then you arrived and interrupted everything. With that being said, try to discipline or question them without her approval and see what happens. If you're able to remain consistent over time, they may learn to appreciate and love you for making this remarkable sacrifice but until then, you're a marked man.

Until next time...  

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Single Fathers Support

Being a single father is extremely difficult. It doesn't matter where you turn, single fathers support groups, resources, and blogs are impossible to find. With this in mind, Men Have Feelings Too will gladly throw our input into this dismal arena. Before we start overwhelming you with relatable and reliable content, let's first identify the two types of single fathers.

Absent and Distant Fathers are opposites of the same coin. While the former is irresponsible, the latter desires to be responsible but several people and challenges seek to destroy his inward zeal to be a good dad. If these people and things are successful, they will pollute his heart turning it from distant to absent. For further clarity, let's examine both of them a little closer.

An absent father is self-explanatory. This type is nonexistent or if there are any interactions with his children, they're extremely limited. The majority of the time, he'll persistently deny his involvement in impregnating the woman who bears his child, even when the child looks like his identical twin. Furthermore, he couldn't care less about how present and future pains and frustrations will affect his child or the child's mother.

On the other hand, a distant father is one who doesn't physically reside with his own children, but he makes every attempt to be a part of their lives. While his deliberate actions to father his child or children are highly commendable, there are a few entities who always seem to stir up major havoc. Not only that, each one of them would absolutely love to see him fail. The Big 3, the entities I'm referencing, are his baby's mother's dominating father, her influential mother, and a controlling rooster in the hen house (i.e. her new man or husband). As we continue to discuss single fathers, their struggles, and challenges, we'll have no choice but to explore each of these factors and the various problems they can cause.

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - What is the Definition of Father?

What is the definition of father? Although this seems like a simple question, it's far from that. Believe it or not, there are several children who physically reside with a man they call 'father' however, he's routinely detached when it comes to spending time with, nurturing, or training them. His job, habits, addictions, and him trying to keep up with his love and social life blinds him from the reality of his fatherly responsibilities. He would rather go drink with the fellas, work long hours, or entertain his new boo versus spending quality time with his children. If you let him tell it, he's the best father ever. Oh yes, he has all his spectators fooled. His friends, coworkers, and social buddies see him as being hardworking and devoted, but his family, namely his children, will tell you a much different story. To them, they're invisible. Although they inwardly crave his attention, often times they simply become the scapegoats for his frustrations and anger. If they would dare to say, "Daddy, could you spend some time with me?", they would be abruptly greeted with every excuse under the sun or their quality time with him will be cut short by something else more important. Now tell me, can this guy honorably uphold the title of father or is he an imposter?

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.



Thursday, June 1, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - What is Fatherhood?

What is fatherhood? Before we can truly set our sights upon fatherhood, we must first identify who the fathers are. On December 7th, 2016, I clearly laid out "Five Categories of Fathers". Since Father's Day is on the 18th of this month, I felt it would be appropriate to dive a little deeper into a few of these categories. Today, we will be examining "The Absent" Father.

For review, an absent father is either non-existent or his interactions are extremely limited within the lives of his children. I, and like many of you, have personally experienced the voids that were left by my father. Honestly, some of them are still crying out for validation. These cavities are and have been devastating to the psychological, emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical well-being of the abandoned. This blog, which is a short excerpt from my book, will be dedicated to this cause. I can only hope that you may gleam insight from my life's experiences.

"Before I started kindergarten, I don’t remember much about the direct impact my father had upon me; however, I do remember vague glimpses of him from birth until about age three or four. Then again, all I knew about him was his name. I became familiar with the fact that I hardly ever saw him, which would imply that he must have lived somewhere else. Indirectly, these same facts, which I knew to be true, produced so many other questions within my mind and heart."
 
"I can remember several broken promises that still echo within my ears. I believed them without question simply because I loved and trusted him, being that he was my father. As these vows soon became the joke of the day, the contemplation of them produced anger, hatred, bitterness, distrust, and disrespect. Now I know what you are probably thinking, these are some very strong feelings and you may be right. However, imagine a teenage boy with this type of disposition. Having feelings like these deep within me without an outlet to defuse them. Since I was conditioned to believe that sharing my emotions might produce ridicule, I was powerless and incapable of conveying what I was truly feeling to others. This created a walking time bomb effect; all I needed was the right match to light the fuse. Regarding women, I was reckless like a bull in a China Shop. At times, these very feelings were uncontrollable, which caused me to act out in school and to hurt others that dared to get close to me. To add insult to injury, I had a hard time trusting others who claimed they loved me. This alone made me a user; simply using others to get what I wanted at their expense. All of these were the byproducts of not having my dad present but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

"Now do you see some of the perils that an absent father can cause? Are you still without understanding? I needed my father to provide the structure, stability, direction, encouragement, and disciplines that were all lacking within my life. These missing elements would’ve brought proper balance, aided in the correction of these types of behaviors, and opened the door for him to love me through my life’s challenges. Nevertheless, when a father is absent, who is there to answer this bell and to make the crooked paths straight?"

Buy Book Now

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Why Do Married Men Cheat? Part 5

"When are you going to clean out that garage because I've been asking you about it for months?" "You never call me when you're at work?" "Why haven't you texted me today?" "Why didn't you like my comment or pic on Facebook?" "You never take me out anymore." "You don't spend enough time with me." "Is there someone else because you've changed?" If you've ever heard this series of persistent questions or complaints from your wife, or another series like it, then constant nagging has to be another reason why married men cheat.

Typically, men are logical thinkers who desire peace within their home. No man wants to work all day in the hostile environments of temptation, backstabbing, unrealistic demands and deadlines, or the natural elements like extreme cold or heat then come home to what he believes to be more turmoil. From the moment he clocks out at work until he goes to bed, all he wants to do is detox from his long day of mental and physical assaults. Truth be told, all he wants now is food, maybe a drink, visual entertainment like the TV, and sex from his wife. This is how he plans to unwind from his stressful day.

On his way home or the very moment he enters his home, he's interrogated by his wife. Since she hasn't talked to him for much of her day, now she's ready to converse. Immediately, she hits him with an overwhelming grocery list of items that she wants to ask or get answered. To her it's mental bonding and simulation but to him, it's way to much. In his mind, he prefers for her to shut up but if he's planning on "getting some" later on that night, then he better at least make the conversation pleasant. At first, he's willing to entertain one or two of her questions with short direct answers but when her conversation quickly turns into criticisms and complaints, WATCH OUT! Man, did you see those boxing gloves just fly off? What started off as a friendly exhibition between them just turned into a slug fest. As their exchanges continue to intensify, all he can think about is a temporary escape back to the peaceful, stress free paradise that he envisioned. If this trend continues to persists over time, eventually, he'll get to the point of desiring a permanent escape.      

Until next time... 

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Men Have Feelings Too - Show Me all the Superheroes

Although many people can identify and name fictional Superheroes like Superman, Batman, and Spider-man, many of us don't know of any non-fictional heroes. Can you currently name at least one real hero? I didn't think so. For the record, there are many non-fictional superheros that you interact with everyday. If you pay close attention and listen very carefully, you will always hear them or one of their loyal subjects boasting of their greatness. Their self-exaltation is so animated, convincing, and charismatic, that if you aren't careful, you will be worshiping them too. Oh, you don't think that you can worship any being other than The Almighty Creator of the Universe? If not, think again. Many of us can't wait to see their latest Facebook post, Instagram pic, or social media feed. We will willingly go out of our way or inconvenience ourselves just to prove our devotion. What makes all of our superheros so attractive are these KEY ingredients: Generally, they have tangible possessions and intangible attributes that we secretly crave for ourselves. Our inner lust for those ingredients then drives us to desire more. Since we know that we can't be them, the best next thing is for us to get as close as we can to their grandeur. If we do, then maybe, just maybe, some of who they are or what they have may rub off on us.

Until next time... 

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.