Men Have Feelings Too - A Letter to Stepdad

Men Have Feelings Too presents, "A Letter to Stepdad." Of all the fathers, a stepfather is my favorite. You assume the role of father to children that aren't biologically yours. Certainly, on a good day, being a biological father isn't easy yet for some reason or another, you willingly accept and occupy this role regardless of the endless challenges. That's why I admire, respect, and salute you in ways that are too great for words. Having said that, I don't envy you or your position in any way. Why you ask? I'll give you a few reasons.

For starters, many men won't think twice about walking into a ready-made family. As you well know, situations like these can be extremely volatile, problematic, and too much dang work for minimal return. That's why most men choose to steer away from relationships that contain these types of nuisances. Within a short-term arrangement, most men won't have an issue with a friend with benefits setup because many are conditioned to just tolerate her children as long as they're sleeping with or using the mother. Yet all the while she'll be led to believe everything is progressing towards something permanent. However, when it comes to marriage or a serious long-term relationship, the vast majority will find every excuse in the book to quickly abandon this transitory train. Again, I applaud you for responsibly manning up, sticking with it, and not allowing this train to derail you.

Lastly, who wants to constantly feel like a disrespected outsider? If her children haven't experienced another man living with them, other than possibly their own father, then just your presence there could be awkward and tremendously overwhelming. Prior to your arrival, your wife and her children developed a secret code of survival protocols that you'll never understand. Which means she is their sole advocate and she will do everything within her power to safeguard herself and her children from experiencing abandonment or rejection related to another failed relationship. Then you arrived and interrupted everything. With that being said, try to discipline or question them without her approval and see what happens. If you're able to remain consistent over time, they may learn to appreciate and love you for making this remarkable sacrifice but until then, you're a marked man.

Until next time...  

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Men Have Feelings Too - Single Fathers Support

Being a single father is extremely difficult. It doesn't matter where you turn, single fathers support groups, resources, and blogs are impossible to find. With this in mind, Men Have Feelings Too will gladly throw our input into this dismal arena. Before we start overwhelming you with relatable and reliable content, let's first identify the two types of single fathers.

Absent and Distant Fathers are opposites of the same coin. While the former is irresponsible, the latter desires to be responsible but several people and challenges seek to destroy his inward zeal to be a good dad. If these people and things are successful, they will pollute his heart turning it from distant to absent. For further clarity, let's examine both of them a little closer.

An absent father is self-explanatory. This type is nonexistent or if there are any interactions with his children, they're extremely limited. The majority of the time, he'll persistently deny his involvement in impregnating the woman who bears his child, even when the child looks like his identical twin. Furthermore, he couldn't care less about how present and future pains and frustrations will affect his child or the child's mother.

On the other hand, a distant father is one who doesn't physically reside with his own children, but he makes every attempt to be a part of their lives. While his deliberate actions to father his child or children are highly commendable, there are a few entities who always seem to stir up major havoc. Not only that, each one of them would absolutely love to see him fail. The Big 3, the entities I'm referencing, are his baby's mother's dominating father, her influential mother, and a controlling rooster in the hen house (i.e. her new man or husband). As we continue to discuss single fathers, their struggles, and challenges, we'll have no choice but to explore each of these factors and the various problems they can cause.

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Men Have Feelings Too - What is the Definition of Father?

What is the definition of father? Although this seems like a simple question, it's far from that. Believe it or not, there are several children who physically reside with a man they call 'father' however, he's routinely detached when it comes to spending time with, nurturing, or training them. His job, habits, addictions, and him trying to keep up with his love and social life blinds him from the reality of his fatherly responsibilities. He would rather go drink with the fellas, work long hours, or entertain his new boo versus spending quality time with his children. If you let him tell it, he's the best father ever. Oh yes, he has all his spectators fooled. His friends, coworkers, and social buddies see him as being hardworking and devoted, but his family, namely his children, will tell you a much different story. To them, they're invisible. Although they inwardly crave his attention, often times they simply become the scapegoats for his frustrations and anger. If they would dare to say, "Daddy, could you spend some time with me?", they would be abruptly greeted with every excuse under the sun or their quality time with him will be cut short by something else more important. Now tell me, can this guy honorably uphold the title of father or is he an imposter?

Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.

Men Have Feelings Too - What is Fatherhood?

What is fatherhood? Before we can truly set our sights upon fatherhood, we must first identify who the fathers are. On December 7th, 2016, I clearly laid out "Five Categories of Fathers". Since Father's Day is on the 18th of this month, I felt it would be appropriate to dive a little deeper into a few of these categories. Today, we will be examining "The Absent" Father.

For review, an absent father is either non-existent or his interactions are extremely limited within the lives of his children. I, and like many of you, have personally experienced the voids that were left by my father. Honestly, some of them are still crying out for validation. These cavities are and have been devastating to the psychological, emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical well-being of the abandoned. This blog, which is a short excerpt from my book, will be dedicated to this cause. I can only hope that you may gleam insight from my life's experiences.

"Before I started kindergarten, I don’t remember much about the direct impact my father had upon me; however, I do remember vague glimpses of him from birth until about age three or four. Then again, all I knew about him was his name. I became familiar with the fact that I hardly ever saw him, which would imply that he must have lived somewhere else. Indirectly, these same facts, which I knew to be true, produced so many other questions within my mind and heart."
 
"I can remember several broken promises that still echo within my ears. I believed them without question simply because I loved and trusted him, being that he was my father. As these vows soon became the joke of the day, the contemplation of them produced anger, hatred, bitterness, distrust, and disrespect. Now I know what you are probably thinking, these are some very strong feelings and you may be right. However, imagine a teenage boy with this type of disposition. Having feelings like these deep within me without an outlet to defuse them. Since I was conditioned to believe that sharing my emotions might produce ridicule, I was powerless and incapable of conveying what I was truly feeling to others. This created a walking time bomb effect; all I needed was the right match to light the fuse. Regarding women, I was reckless like a bull in a China Shop. At times, these very feelings were uncontrollable, which caused me to act out in school and to hurt others that dared to get close to me. To add insult to injury, I had a hard time trusting others who claimed they loved me. This alone made me a user; simply using others to get what I wanted at their expense. All of these were the byproducts of not having my dad present but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

"Now do you see some of the perils that an absent father can cause? Are you still without understanding? I needed my father to provide the structure, stability, direction, encouragement, and disciplines that were all lacking within my life. These missing elements would’ve brought proper balance, aided in the correction of these types of behaviors, and opened the door for him to love me through my life’s challenges. Nevertheless, when a father is absent, who is there to answer this bell and to make the crooked paths straight?"

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Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

Feel free to leave comments or feedback.