Men Have Feelings Too - A Letter to Stepdad

Men Have Feelings Too presents, "A Letter to Stepdad." Of all the fathers, a stepfather is my favorite. You assume the role of father to children that aren't biologically yours. Certainly, on a good day, being a biological father isn't easy yet for some reason or another, you willingly accept and occupy this role regardless of the endless challenges. That's why I admire, respect, and salute you in ways that are too great for words. Having said that, I don't envy you or your position in any way. Why you ask? I'll give you a few reasons.

For starters, many men won't think twice about walking into a ready-made family. As you well know, situations like these can be extremely volatile, problematic, and too much dang work for minimal return. That's why most men choose to steer away from relationships that contain these types of nuisances. Within a short-term arrangement, most men won't have an issue with a friend with benefits setup because many are conditioned to just tolerate her children as long as they're sleeping with or using the mother. Yet all the while she'll be led to believe everything is progressing towards something permanent. However, when it comes to marriage or a serious long-term relationship, the vast majority will find every excuse in the book to quickly abandon this transitory train. Again, I applaud you for responsibly manning up, sticking with it, and not allowing this train to derail you.

Lastly, who wants to constantly feel like a disrespected outsider? If her children haven't experienced another man living with them, other than possibly their own father, then just your presence there could be awkward and tremendously overwhelming. Prior to your arrival, your wife and her children developed a secret code of survival protocols that you'll never understand. Which means she is their sole advocate and she will do everything within her power to safeguard herself and her children from experiencing abandonment or rejection related to another failed relationship. Then you arrived and interrupted everything. With that being said, try to discipline or question them without her approval and see what happens. If you're able to remain consistent over time, they may learn to appreciate and love you for making this remarkable sacrifice but until then, you're a marked man.

Until next time...  

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

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