Men Have Feelings Too - What is Fatherhood?

What is fatherhood? Before we can truly set our sights upon fatherhood, we must first identify who the fathers are. On December 7th, 2016, I clearly laid out "Five Categories of Fathers". Since Father's Day is on the 18th of this month, I felt it would be appropriate to dive a little deeper into a few of these categories. Today, we will be examining "The Absent" Father.

For review, an absent father is either non-existent or his interactions are extremely limited within the lives of his children. I, and like many of you, have personally experienced the voids that were left by my father. Honestly, some of them are still crying out for validation. These cavities are and have been devastating to the psychological, emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical well-being of the abandoned. This blog, which is a short excerpt from my book, will be dedicated to this cause. I can only hope that you may gleam insight from my life's experiences.

"Before I started kindergarten, I don’t remember much about the direct impact my father had upon me; however, I do remember vague glimpses of him from birth until about age three or four. Then again, all I knew about him was his name. I became familiar with the fact that I hardly ever saw him, which would imply that he must have lived somewhere else. Indirectly, these same facts, which I knew to be true, produced so many other questions within my mind and heart."
 
"I can remember several broken promises that still echo within my ears. I believed them without question simply because I loved and trusted him, being that he was my father. As these vows soon became the joke of the day, the contemplation of them produced anger, hatred, bitterness, distrust, and disrespect. Now I know what you are probably thinking, these are some very strong feelings and you may be right. However, imagine a teenage boy with this type of disposition. Having feelings like these deep within me without an outlet to defuse them. Since I was conditioned to believe that sharing my emotions might produce ridicule, I was powerless and incapable of conveying what I was truly feeling to others. This created a walking time bomb effect; all I needed was the right match to light the fuse. Regarding women, I was reckless like a bull in a China Shop. At times, these very feelings were uncontrollable, which caused me to act out in school and to hurt others that dared to get close to me. To add insult to injury, I had a hard time trusting others who claimed they loved me. This alone made me a user; simply using others to get what I wanted at their expense. All of these were the byproducts of not having my dad present but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

"Now do you see some of the perils that an absent father can cause? Are you still without understanding? I needed my father to provide the structure, stability, direction, encouragement, and disciplines that were all lacking within my life. These missing elements would’ve brought proper balance, aided in the correction of these types of behaviors, and opened the door for him to love me through my life’s challenges. Nevertheless, when a father is absent, who is there to answer this bell and to make the crooked paths straight?"

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Until next time...

Walter Hunter
walter@menhavefeelingstoo.com
https://menhavefeelingstoo.com

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